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“In fact, to get it all out on the table, I tried to discourage John from even applying to Notre Dame. And when I learned he was coming here to Hillsdale, I was utterly delighted. I thought this would be more his speed.”“That’s a laugh and a half!” Burt exclaimed. “Wilson, let me give it to you in words of one syllable: He’s faster, quicker, and stronger than you are, right now! But he’s not good enough to play for Notre Dame? Is that what you were saying?”“He and his friends have only played for a small boy’s prep school. I thought Notre Dame would be way out of his league.”“Well, let me give you the hot scoop!” Burt retorted. “He could go a few miles east and be starting for the Detroit Lions on opening day this year!”“Honest?” Wilson asked. “You’re not kidding?”“No, I’m not kidding! That kid is good.” Burt paused and then said, “David, let me put it this way: He’s better than you were on your very best day. Is that clear enough?”“Good Lord!” David murmured.. Anyway. He’ll also give you a list of things to buy that you’ll get to drink the night before your colonoscopy. My list included something called Go Lightly, and I sincerely hope whoever was responsible for naming this product roasts in Hell. Go Lightly? There’s nothing lightly about the way you’ll be going after you drink that shit, unless you want to consider this in terms of your movements between bed and toilet. You’ll definitely want to go lightly then — but really quickly, too — beginning about a half hour after you drink your first container of that crud. And now, here’s some more really good news. You’re going to get to drink gallons of this stuff, and at timed intervals over a few hours. The stuff tastes like licorice flavored windshield wiper fluid too, in case you’re wondering, which only adds to your general appreciation of the proceedings. Your first 32 ounce jug goes down with all the grace of a seizing epileptic whore, if your reaction is anything like mine you’ll see.
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